How Social Media Can Exacerbate Perfectionism
Perfectionism is not a positive trait and it has one major flaw. Perfection does not exist. But try telling that to someone as they scroll their social media accounts. Thanks to an ever-increasing number of apps and other new technologies, anyone can pass off illusions as reality.
If you scroll long enough, you will start losing perspective. You’ll be unable to discern fact from fiction. Everyone, it seems, has their act together — except you. You know, intellectually, that you’re looking at carefully curated highlight reels. But you can still feel the fear of missing out — the rampant anxiety — creeping into your mind. What can you do?
What Is Perfectionism?
If you never feel you’re good enough, you might be a perfectionist. There’s nothing wrong with striving for greatness and self-improvement. Perfectionism, however, is actually a fear of failure. You fear being judged and rejected, so you hold yourself to impossible standards.
In fact, those standards can be so unrealistic that you stop participating in life. You procrastinate and you only try things you believe will present you in a positive light. Your self-worth is deeply connected to the face you offer and thus, any hint of failure is unacceptable.
Among many things, perfectionism can be triggered by demanding parents, being bullied, or social anxiety. The internet-social-media-smartphone culture is fertile ground for spawning perfectionists.
How Social Media Can Exacerbate Perfectionism
Online — from dating apps to social media and beyond — is a hotbed of deception. Knowingly or unknowingly, folks opt to present themselves in ways that are less than honest. It seems everyone is fit, has a fashion sense, is madly in love, has the cutest pets, and travels the globe on a regular basis. They’re all this and more without appearing to break a sweat. You can be excused for feeling less than perfect when this is the content you’re consuming on the regular.
Social media raises the stakes. It’s one thing if you have trouble following along in a Zumba class with 5 participants It’s much more if literally billions of people can analyze your choices in mostly permanent posts. As a result, you may feel:
Unworthy of friendship or love
Uniquely flawed
Left-out and lonely
Hopeless
Such enforced emotions can lead to disordered eating, social isolation, and thoughts of self-harm.
Meanwhile, Social Media Isn’t All Bad
Obviously, this is not a black-and-white issue. You can connect with excellent people who become important friends in your life. The chance to network can lead to jobs, creative opportunities, and so much more. Hence, since social media does not appear to be leaving any time soon, the goal doesn’t have to be full abstinence.
There are some basic self-help options to get you started on finding some balance, e.g.:
Take tech breaks several times a day.
Use break time to do something active and productive.
Prioritize face-to-face interactions.
Uninstall some apps from your phone to make it harder to become fixated.
Stop “doom-scrolling” (relentlessly looking for negative or disturbing stories or videos).
If someone consistently impacts your self-esteem, un-follow them.
Work to create a life that derives meaning not from accomplishments but from experiences.
When It’s More Than Social Media
Perfectionism can be triggered by social media but, frequently, the root causes run much deeper. They could relate to an existing anxiety disorder or some past trauma. Thus, changing your social media habits can help but you need more to fully address the problem. That’s where therapy becomes indispensable.
Working with a skilled guide positions you to identify patterns that require your full attention. If perfectionism is craving your style, I’d love to connect and talk with you soon about anxiety treatment.